InfiniteLava

I wanted to post this because I didn't want to be a hypocrite. In a previous journal, I said that we should make happier art.
I wanted to say that I'm sorry. I know people make vent art to help release bad emotions and thoughts. I didn't think of that at the time. So I would like to say I'm sorry. I hope you all stay happy/ get happy!

Okay. So, this is kind of a hard subject to talk about without coming across as wanting attention. I promise, I'm not. Only five people know who I am, so I feel I can say this since no one else really knows me besides that my name is Ava and I'm thirteen.
  The other night I was feeling extremely depressed. I looked on my phone for ways to cut deeper. When I was scrolling through, I noticed something. I've known that some people harm for attention. I've heard of people who do it and know that they don't want mind hiding their scars.
 Whenever I cut, I'm SURE to hide them. Once when a boy saw them he asked what had happened, and I said the cliche; "my cat did it."
 I just want to say, that if you're cutting for attention, that's the wrong way to get it. Do your passion! Make others happier instead of sad. The world's already sad enough as it is; make the world better! I don't want to see anyone in the same mess I've gotten myself into.

Please love yourself, I know it's hard, but please.

Buckle up my friends, for this is going to be very long.
 I would first like to deal with art. I would like to tell everyone who thinks they're not good enough artists: dude, you're learning. You will always learn something. There will always be artists more adept and other beginning. Never feel bad about your art! All of it comes from you and that's what makes it special! I would also like to talk about this subject: beginning.
 I know I'm not a professional artist, but I have some advice that I have acquired.
 When I first started out, if there was something I really wanted to draw, but just couldn't grasp the concept, yes, I would trace it to get the feeling. But, once I understood, I used what I had learned to make my own art. Tracing shouldn't be your life. Tracing is for grasping a concept for future reference; it's for learning. I'm sorry this is such a long butt journal, but I felt the need to write it. I love you all!

Okay. STOP! Before you don't read this, please just take a minute to read it. I want to tell you that you are amazing. I don't care who tells you different(contact me and give me their address so I can kick them in the a$$. You're perfect in my eyes! I love you no matter what you've done... unless you're my dad. He's a butt. Anyway, back to what I was saying, I love you and hope you have the best day!


*TRIGGER(?) AHEAD*
If you're worried about your weight, don't resort to an eating disorder because once you've started, you're a prisoner and slave. And if you have braces(just saying) don't get into purging. It slices your lips. Anorexia, you never feel skinny enough. I'm just saying because I care about everyone and don't want to see you in the same boat as me! If you don't think anyone loves you(which everyone does) just know that I will no matter what you've done! :')

Have you ever had a secret that just hung around you like a tormenting ghost. Every time you get happy, it reminds you of what you do everyday. How terrible you are. How you lie in order to not hurt others. That your friends are just your friends because they have pity. Everyone's scared to tell you the truth because they don't know how you would react. You worry that you might go to hell and join Satan because you're tired of trying. You're tired of talking to different people. Tired of everything. Tired of looking at something sharp and wanting to just end everything then and there. Tired of venting to your friends, afraid you're putting too much on them. You can't even see yourself surviving the school year. Maybe it's just hormones. Maybe it's because I'm weak. Maybe it's because I'm crazy. I'm not asking for pity or help. I'm just tired of holding it in. I'm tired of needing something out of my grasp.